We were walking home after dinner like any other evening, together with the bunch that has stick together during our years in university. Discussing anything; philosophy, history, religions, you name it. Some people think it’s funny how we, engineering graduates, like to discuss these things. Sometimes, we were separated to two or three different topics, discussing in smaller group, like that night.
It was a cold night, marking the beginning of winter. Our breath was blowing white fog as if we were smoking.
“I think I am in love.” I said suddenly, without looking to anyone. It came out of nowhere, I bet you didn’t even know how to react. Hell, you didn’t even sure if you heard you correctly back then.
“I am in love.” I repeated, while looking to you.
“Congratulations, then” you said without blinking.
I looked at you with an amusing face and said, “Funny, why congratulations?”
Of all words there are in dictionary, why ‘congratulations’?
“Why not?” you asked innocently.
“I have been in this situation before, and this is the first time I heard a reply such as ‘congratulations’. why don’t you ask, for example, ‘who is the lucky girl?’, or ‘you? in love? is it a joke?’. why ‘congratulations’?”
“Well, we both know each other long enough to know you will say what you want to say and won’t say what you don’t want to say, so what’s the point of asking? And I believe because you telling me this, you will also tell the rest of the story.”
You with your logic and your understanding of people. This was something that always amazes me when talking to you.
“As for congratulation” you continued,”Because to know you love someone, was not a small accomplishment. first, you need to know what love is, which has been trying to be explained by various people, philosophers, writers, you name it, and failed. second, to know that you are in love, you have to understand your own self. Which is, again, not a small accomplishment. many people die because they don’t know the limit of their-selves while others end up doing nothing because they don’t now what they want to do.”
It is a moment like this that always leave me dumbfounded.
“Why, now, how could so much wisdom was packed in such a small stature? we knew each other for a few years, yet you never cease to amaze me” I said, amazed.
“Oh, shut up.” you said with annoyed yet blushing face.
“So then, what do you think about love? What is love, according to you o wise one?” I asked with a playful smirk.
“Well… I don’t know, really. Sure I read about love a lot –it is almost impossible to read a fiction book that has no love aspect at all– but one think I do know is when people talk about love, most of what they mean is not love.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I don’t know whether they do it intentionally or not, but most of the time ‘love’ is just a word used to romanticized other words such as fling, like, or even lust.”
“and sometimes, people attracted to other people out of curiosity, which is normal. But when two people attract each other out of curiosity, they think that it was love. how could you even love someone or something you barely know? it is as absurd as hating something you just hear about.” you continued.
“hmm,, you got a point there.”
a mother love her son, and a husband love his wife. yet while there is a relation called an ex-husband, there is no such thing as ex-mother. why the difference? a friend is closer than a colleague, and a spouse is closer than a friend. yet why when people broke up sometimes they become distant, further than people who you barely know? both can’t be love. one of them might be love, but the other must be something else that was done in the name of love. although it isn’t.
we talked some more about love while we were walking. the more we talked, the more I think that I AM in love. although, it isn’t quite clear whether it was reciprocal. as time goes by, we arrived in front of your apartment door.
“Well, finally home. thanks for the enjoyable evening” you said with a radiant smile.
“pleasure is mine, of course.” I said in a gentlemanly way as I was always taught.
after exchanging good bye, I walk away. As always, you will wait beside the door until I turn disappear from you vision. a few steps before that, you yelled “hey! so who is the lucky girl?”
I turn around and , with a smile, said “talk to you later!” then walk away.