Having live for about twenty years, I start to get cocky and feel I know myself good enough. But no I don’t. I don’t even sure what I am feeling sometimes. You know, some people might see me rather as someone who is easy to talk to, but I rarely talk about myself, except the tip of the iceberg. An iceberg where all the complicated mixture stays underwater. Few are very complicated mixture which I think you won’t find it anywhere else.
Truth is, it doesn’t matter how good I try to behave, there is always some feelings I can’t comprehend. I never know there will be a feeling where you lose something you like but feel happy as if your lost your loads. A lot. The happiness of a free slave, perhaps.
As I don’t like to talk about myself much, I can’t exactly tell you what this is about. Let just say, I am in a situation where I am a little boy who wanna eat a pudding. In my fridge, there is some delicious puddings that I can eat but unfortunately, I am not allowed to by my parents. After all this time, I can resist the temptation quite well.
One day, there is this new type of pudding, wich looks like more tastier. Day after day i try to resist the temptation, until I barely can not. I am standing right now at the point where I considering to anger my parents to eat the pudding. I know they will be mad at me, perhaps even grounded me, but it will be worth the risk.
Gosh, I actually know what I am thinking is wrong but it doesn’t even help me resist the temptation. After battling with my own feelings and reasoning, I decide to take one last look of the pudding before choosing my action. Which is, most likely to eat it.
I walk nervously to the fridge, one hand holding the door, and open it. To my surprise, suddenly the pudding, the special one which I think I really want to eat despite risk, is gone. It is not in the fridge anymore. Someone already take it. Perhaps my sibling, cousin, or Just some random guest. Or even a dog maybe, I don’t even care anymore. The point is, it’s gone.
I think I never feel as relieved before. Whew. Looking back, it’s silly how I am Willing to be punished simply to eat a pudding. And at the same time, itis scary how a little, tiny pudding hold that much power to my action. Guess I am not as mature as I think huh?