where are you now?

this is not the first time i miss you, but surely, this is the first time I miss you so bad. it is ironic how human, including me, always miss things we can not hold, they can’t have. and how we neglect the value of things we had until we lost it.

perhaps it would be easier if at least I now where you are though I won’t visit you. perhaps at least it won’t be this bad if I now how are you now. even a grave to visit, still a better bitter truth than no news at all. unfortunately, the condition without news about you is the one I have to face. 

english class would always be my favorite class back then, the most interesting one but also the one where I less pay attention to as I recall. sure, the way you teach was boring as hell most of the times. the loud yell of you somehow always succeed to be our lullaby. luckily, english is not the only thing you teach, at least to me.

discipline, struggle, and perseverance, trust and responsibility are a few good things that I still remember from you. I learned it by mistakes back then, and i failed quite a lot. those things seemed to be harder for me back then than any dormwork you gave, even if it were ten times harder. I might failed back then, but I think i have a grasp on it, and i little by little I start to understand it better.

you were not my advisor teacher back then, and you never are. I do learned a lot from other people, but what you taught and the way you taught were always special. you never taught me directly, but the way you live your life showed me. sure, our other teachers did the same, but perhaps because I know how they are doing I never wonder about them the way i do about you.

I remember clearly the first few months you disappear, when I look the news about afghan immigrant I always hope to spot you. even now deep down inside I/m sure you are still in Indonesia, and sometimes when I walk my thoughts hoping to coincidentally meet you.

lot i have learned from you, and still I never had a chance to give a proper thanks. I remember as it were yesterday the moment you asked “do you study mister?” with that loud yell of yours and I, firmly answered “I did, I do, and I will always do”.

thank you very much, Mr. Yasin Doulatshahi.


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